Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
