he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize