You work out of a Hotel?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
