idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
