you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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