Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
