babies were throwing up all over the place
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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