I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
