We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the day after is always just damage control
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
