We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Randomize
