so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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