So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
