Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
