I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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