i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
