i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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