I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
