I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
