well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he was CRYING into my vagina
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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