I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
