not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
