Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Alive.
So much puke
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
