We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
