I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
