I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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