So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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