Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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