I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize