Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
well you can't waste a boner
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
