Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
