if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
