she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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