Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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