maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
