im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
