I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize