You just made me feel so damn special
Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
