Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize