are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize