i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Terrible idea I love it
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
