oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
