we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
