Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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