We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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