I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize