Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
