Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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