You work out of a Hotel?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
