Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
