Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
