We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize