I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
