you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
