....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
