Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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