Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
im six kinds of drunk right now
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
