some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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