Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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