the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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