Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I fill condoms, not promises.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize