Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
