I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
