I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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