I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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