Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
