I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize