This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
