Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
