Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
