Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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